The Quitter

Hey America,

Welcome back! I am sorry I haven't blogged in over a week. My life suddenly exploded with busyness and because I am so committed to staying on track something had to give. So here is a quick recap over the last couple of weeks of my weight-loss journey. When I finished my last blog I was on cloud nine. I had just lost a significant amount of weight from the previous week and was feeling unstoppable. Everything was going great until it happened...
It came out of nowhere, like a torrential downpour in the Nairobi dessert. It blindsided me and knocked the wind right out of my ADORABLE pink sails.
If you have ever had to take on a serious weight-loss goal like I have and have failed as many times as me you probably already know what IT is. It was the inevitable stall out. Meaning, my progress that was all high-fives and handshakes suddenly stopped. My weight-loss completely halted and since I don't believe in doing anything half way I actually gained 3 pounds. I have never wanted to punch someone in the face so hard in my life. Even better, the weight-loss came on in one day and I had been keeping myself fully on track. Let us get real for a second, there is nothing more defeating then when you have been working so hard for something and see negative results. This past Monday as I was swimming at the gym with my husband I looked at him and told him that this was the moment. He looked at me and knew what I was about to say before I even said it. I was ready to put my gym shoes back away for another 18 months and "lose" my gym membership card again. I was ready to buy a bag of chips or a tub of spread cheese as a gateway back to bad habits. I was ready to get really "busy" with life and not have time to eat healthy and slowly slope back into failure.

 I was ready to quit.

In my 30 years of existing I have made a secret career of quitting. If quitting could be on a resume I would probably be the most qualified quitter on the planet. I have quit or not even attempted so many things in my life because there was a slight possibility of failure. I remember that lame poster that was on every math teacher's wall growing up that says "You miss 100% of the shots you never take." and made that my quitter's anthem. I loved twisting that saying around to my favor. Yea, I miss 100% of the shots and 100% of the failure and rejection.  I HATE rejection and failure. I hate it almost more than I hate throwing up. I would rather not even try something than face the slightest possibility of failure and pain. That is part of why I didn't even want to restart this spectacularly sarcastic blog. I didn't want to fail and then have to face everyone who was rooting for me again. I am the queen of self sabotage. The way I see it is if I can disappoint myself then I don't have to deal with another person hurting me again. I can let myself down easy. Don't believe that I am a career quitter? Let's revisit some of my most epic moments of QuitterHood that I have accomplished.
1. The Clarinet: I quit that because the guy I had a crush on in band started dating someone else and didn't see a need to keep putting in the work for that.
2. Theatre: I stopped auditioning for plays in high school (Because I figured I was never going to be chosen because of my size and my skin-tone didn't always compliment the lead roles) I would just offer to be the stage manager or assistant director instead.
3. I have quit MULTIPLE diets because they stopped working or got to hard and wasn't fun anymore.
4. I quit watching Glee because the plot wasn't going down the way I wanted.
5. I have quit writing 3 different books  in the fear that after putting in so much tremendous work that it would inevitably end in rejection.
6. I quit singing. I used to sing a lot when I was younger and stopped because my sister was superior to my talent and I didn't want to live in her shadow.
7. I quit friendships. I do this often, more than I would like to admit. Rather than work through the pain that someone has caused me I would rather just move on alone than revisit the issues between us.
8. I have quit jobs. When I have had a job where there seemed to be opposition with a superior I would start looking for new employment so that I wouldn't have to work with a difficult person.
9. I quit college. When I was in college I was doing really well and enjoyed it but quit because I didn't think I would actually amount to anything after graduation.
10. I have quit many things before I have even started them, like kale...

So now that we have established that I AM indeed the queen of quitting I will tell you what happened after I told Jon that I was ready to hang it up again. I was ready to see other people living their dreams while I drown in the sorrow of my unrealized ones. I was ready to start putting weight back on without even realizing it. I was ready to stop weighing myself rather than be pimp-slapped by my scale every morning. I was ready to let my girls down and not be the energetic mom they have grown to love. I was ready to start slacking in my appearance. I was ready to stop caring about myself and give up on all the dreams that are sometimes so big I can hardly breath. I was ready to lose because the thought of winning seemed absolutely impossible. How can you fight in a war where you keep losing every battle? So here is what happened.

I kept going.

Life tried to suffocate me with every possible road block this week and I kept fighting back. I still went swimming. I still took long walks with my kids even though every part of my body screamed "GIVE UP! JUST QUIT! YOU WILL NEVER BEAT THIS!" I still kept eating healthy. Each morning I would step on the scale and see absolute disappointment and I still kept going. I was exhausted and exasperated with my negative results. I didn't want to write a blog and have to report a negative in my weight-loss. I pushed until I could push no more and then pushed harder. I avoided bad habits and did the work even without results.

On Thursday, something changed. I stepped on the scale and for the first time in a week I was back to the weight that I was before I had re-gained.

I beat it.

I beat the biggest opponent that I have ever had to face, myself. I beat myself. I won the battle against my willpower and came out stronger. I kept going and survived. I met with my nutritionist on Thursday and was given a great report and she said that I have lost 13 pounds since seeing her 1 month prior. I also did something else this week that I NEVER would've attempted in the past. This week I decided to enter myself into a competition with The Today Show. They are looking for the next big beauty blogger and I decided to compete. They are looking for people who will be the next big digital stars of youtube, vine, and instagram. So if you are interested in that you can check out my youtube channel and subscribe to stay informed on that journey.  I know it's an insane longshot and I really didn't see a need to audition because there are probably millions of people auditioning who are way cooler than me.

I almost didn't do it but then I remembered,

https://www.youtube.com/c/JustLikeDrewChannel

Stay Sexy America

Be true to you.

With Love,

Drew (AKA Quit Master C)

Current Weight lost: 56 magical pounds 

The Inheritance

Hey America,

I am BACK! Today I have a topic for you that has kind of been the theme of my weight loss journey. The theme of my blog today is about the concept of taking on weight-loss one meal at a time. So I am guessing you are wondering what exactly I mean. Let me elaborate a little bit on this concept. When most people go after weight loss they first set a goal of the amount of weight they want to lose. Then they usually set a time frame of when they would like the lose the weight. If you are someone with my kind of weight loss goal you usually end up planning for your weight-loss transformation to take about 2 years. After they set the sensible goal of two years they take off directly for the gold. The first few days they attack weight-loss like its a pint of cookie dough ice-cream covered in Nutella with sprinkles and served to you on a silver spoon by Leonardo DiCaprio. After a few weeks they get busy or bored and realize how far away 2 years is. They don't see the amount of progress they were hoping to see as soon as they would have liked and eventually just give up. Let's get real for a second, two years is a long freaking time. When you look at your weight-loss goal as a whole complete goal it can be extremely daunting and discouraging. So that is why I had to start looking at my weight-loss one meal at a time. I have looked at the goal in front of me many times and it seems impossible. It is completely inconceivable to see myself that small. I have no memories of myself as a "small" person. I have always had a little more meat on my thighs and it honestly doesn't really bother me. I know that probably sounds strange and honestly that is a whole other topic in it's self BUT for real I have a few photos from when I was like 4 that I was at "model" weight.
So back to the topic at hand. Here is how the whole weight-loss one meal at a time concept came into play in my life. Some of you may remember that I am a devout Christ follower and while trying to grow a closer bond with Jesus this summer I came across a verse that kind of wrecked my life.
The verse is from Hebrews Chapter 12 Verse 16.
See that no one is sexually immoral or godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son. 
Before you go flying off the handle this verse did not apply to me in the sense of immorality but about how Esau gave up an entire inheritance for 1 single meal, a bowl of desert stew (verp). So if you know absolutely NOTHING about the bible or history in general let me quickly explain the significance of this monumentally HORRIBLE decision Esau made. Esau had a twin brother named Jacob. Esau was technically born first and stood to inherit everything from his father Isaac. In a nutshell, Esau went out hunting one day and came back super hungry. He let his hunger take hold of him and sold his birthright to his younger twin for some of the stew he was making. His younger twin ended up being the father of Israel (yea, THE ISRAEL in the news). So Esau blew it! All for a bowl of mediocre stew. That is why this verse resonated with me.
How many times have people blown an entire diet over one meal? I thought about how this applied to my own life. I looked at times where I may have been doing great with my diet plan and then decided to have a cheat meal to end all cheat meals and slowly let my diet get away from me. I then took the concept even further. I started looking at my life through different eyes. I no longer saw my weight-loss in pounds or a goal over time but saw it as meal to meal. I started looking at the meal directly in front of me and would think is this a meal that will make me give up my inheritance? Will this meal eventually take me away from a future with my girls, future grandkids, or my husband? Will this meal keep me from fulfilling my dreams and from the inheritance of a healthy future? Will this meal destroy me? I know it probably sounds dramatic but when you look at your food options through this lens it will change you.
After looking through this lens with my eating I started making smarter decisions. Now, don't start thinking that I became a vegan and started incorporating kale into everything BUT I did get smarter. If I am being completely honest I didn't keep up with my one meal at a time concept perfectly since July but recently came back to this as I realized how much this helped me conceptualize my weight-loss goal. Recently I was on the phone with someone from the doctor's office and we were talking about me scheduling my nutritionist visits etc.. The woman on the phone who I don't even know before getting off the phone said "You are gonna do great kiddo, just remember 1 day at a time." Again I pulled that verse back out and remembered to STOP looking at the mountains in front of me and started visualizing the next meal in front of me.  I still have days when I enjoy meals that are a little more heavy in fat and calories, just less frequently. There are also days where I deal with some serious food temptation and start bargaining in my head that it's not a big deal if I eat that. I will only go over my calories a little bit just this once. Those thoughts will torment me sometimes but I fight them back with remembering that this is just one small moment of temporary satisfaction that I am giving up. This 50 calories is not worth my weight-loss journey. This 50 calories is not worth me missing out on a healthy future with my family. This 50 calories is nothing to me. I just need to make it to morning. I made a choice earlier in my day to enjoy those calories and now I have to choose to eat less to reset the balance of my day. This 50 calories will not steal my inheritance from me. It's just food.
Now, don't read this and get all depressed and think "Wow, I might as well give up oxygen because there is no way I will ever be able to have that much discipline." I am just trying to help you expand your mind and think about weight-loss in simpler terms. Stop looking at a large goal and start setting a much smaller goal. Instead of trying to get through 2 years in a flash just get through the meal in front of you. After that meal make it to the next meal and so on. When you look at weight-loss in smaller terms you free yourself up from the burden of that hellacious two year goal. The other awesome thing about looking at weight-loss this way is that even when you have a bad meal, day, week, or month is that you can immediately get back on track with your next meal. We all have bad days or a bad meal, instead of giving up and feeling like a failure get back up and get at it with your next meal. You can do this, I know you can. Start taking control of your weight-loss and your life. You deserve a fruitful inheritance (unless you are a serial killer) filled with joy and good health. Take back your inheritance today starting with your very next meal. Stop worrying about two years from now and start planning two hours from now. Before you know it you will be in the body of your dreams and living out the inheritance God had originally designed for you. I hope you feel inspired today and know that you can do anything you put your mind to. Your whole life is just an empty plate waiting for you to fill it.

You got this.

Be true to you,

With Love,

-Drew

Currently Down: 53.6 pounds 

JustlikeDrew: The Comeback Kid

Hey America,

Its me, Drew! Remember me? Probably not. Allow me to quickly refresh your memory. I am the girl who started this blog a little over three years ago with a goal to lose all of her excess weight within two years. Still not ringing a bell? I am the girl who seriously fell off the wagon after making these flashy claims? Remember me now? Well, I'm back, my tail is securely between my legs and I am asking humbly if you would try accompanying me on my weight loss journey, again. So before you agree to rejoin me on my road trip to the healthier version of me you probably have some questions that you would feel super awkward asking publicly so let me try to assume and answer as many as I can.

WHAT HAPPENED?
Great question. So in a nutshell the easiest explanation is that a few months into my former weightless journey where I had lost 35 pounds and was a dancing Zumba queen I accidentally got pregnant with a super cute baby. Not satisfied? Well, This super cute baby decided to hate all of the foods I was eating to maintain my healthy lifestyle and conveniently sat on my right hip making it difficult to do things like walk to the bathroom. I tried to stay strong but just couldn't keep up with my body. To make things even more awesome after having the baby I was too exhausted to get back to the gym and quickly let old habits creep back in. Eventually I just quit trying. Also when that same adorable baby was 7 months old we decided to move back home to Wisconsin and lived with my parents for almost a year while we searched tirelessly for a place to live.  After moving back to Wisconsin I started having some health problems which made things even worse and eventually made weight loss the furthest thing from my mind. I know... excuses...excuses..sheesh.

Hold on, how do you "accidentally get pregnant"? This all sounds very sketch...
I am so glad you asked. So without divulging too much detail. After we had our first glorious baby girl in 2011 we were unsuccessful in future attempts at creating more super cute babies so we kind of just assumed it was no longer a possibility for us. When I started losing weight my body's baby growing software rebooted and voila! A baby was born.  I know that sounds super smart and medically sound and legit so I will just leave it there.

Why now?

Why not....Satisfied? Great! Let's move on.

JUST KIDDING. Ok, lets get a little more real. So when I quit my weight loss journey in 2013 it was actually very difficult for me and took a toll on me emotionally. When we moved it was a very emotional time and with my health problems happening I started to lose value in myself. If you remember I have written about the importance of self confidence and personal value in regards to weight loss and at the time I didn't have any. In 2015 I decided to start taking a more personal interest in myself and to find worth in myself again. I didn't immediately start with weight-loss as I knew that wouldn't be successful until I fell back in love with myself wholly (every giggly bit of me.) So on my birthday April 25, 2015 I started the process to selfie love. I had a makeover done on myself and began placing more effort into my appearance which I had recently given up doing. Don't get me wrong I wasn't walking around looking like a homeless starter pack BUT I wasn't living up to my full flawless potential. After a few months into my journey to a more fly looking version of myself I had some more health set backs happen (which I will give more details about in future blogs so I guess you will have to subscribe to my blog so you won't miss out on the juicy details). These health set backs made me realize it was time to start looking back at my health again. My outward appearance was doing great but my healthy appearance was struggling. One night when in the ER because of some serious health things going on they had me step on the scale and to my dismay I had not only regained every pound I had worked so hard to lose but gained an additional 38 pounds on top of it. Nothing is more sobering than seeing all your hard work gone to waste and having no one to blame but yourself. So I started becoming more aware of my body. I would LOVE to tell you that from that moment I hit the pavement and started shredding pounds like a lady boss BUT that isn't the case. I first had to deal with my health issues before I could pursue a healthier me and I was still dealing with that whole falling back in love with myself thing. Well, I started making minor healthy lifestyle changes and continued on my self love and awareness journey. Fast forward to January 2016 where this story picks up some steam. In January I started getting some much needed answers to medical questions and with time started to feel more myself again. At the end of February I started a youtube channel dedicated to makeup, lifestyle and fun. Part of the recapturing myself journey came accompanied with a serious addiction to makeup. I found something that I was passionate about and ran (not literally... let's get real here) with it. The passion isn't just in wearing makeup its everything about it but if you want to peek into that addiction you can go watch my youtube channel (shameless plug) at this site https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqfQKQZuTxIJlCHaRtZ2Ejg
and have JustlikeDrew overload.
In March I knew it was time and that I was ready to jump back in to my health journey, for real this time. I met with a nutritionist and created a game plan on how we can make this happen (more details on that in a later blog). One exciting thing is that when I met with the nutritionist we discovered that I had already lost 29 pounds. My birthday was on its way again and I decided to dedicate this year to becoming the healthiest version of myself. I had completed my year of recapturing my self love, worth, and value and knew it was time to go the rest of the way in my transformation. So, I am happy to let you know that after being back on the wagon since March 30 I have already lost 18 pounds (So if you aren't keeping track I have lost a total of 47 pounds since the ER visit I mentioned...hair flip). This is my next step in becoming the best me I can be and I am ready.

What is different this time?
I have a stronger support network of family and friends cheering me on. I also have people keeping me accountable that I asked to do so. I also am meeting regularly with my nutritionist to ensure that I keep on track with my program. Also I am going to be a little smarter with my body this time and not planning on any more surprise babies right now.

How do I know you will stick with it this time?
You don't. I am asking that you take a gamble on me, again. This time feels different ( honestly, last time felt different too) and I have been making changes in my personal life to make this change more possible.

What personal changes?
I am making this health journey a priority. Meaning, I have had to make tough cuts and choices in my schedule in order to ensure that I don't fall off the wagon into an abyss again. I am meeting regularly with my nutritionist in order to stay accountable. I also have people I check in with regularly about my progress or lack thereof. I am tracking my calories and have created a workout plan with my partner. I have also gotten one of those step tracker watches in order to force myself to keep moving so that I don't have to face the red bar of doom!

Why are you blogging again?
I was asked by some friends if I would pick my blog back up again after posting about my recent weight loss on social media. After some reluctance I decided to dust off my keyboard and start it again.

Why were you reluctant?
I had failed so badly last time that I didn't want to start blogging again unless I was sure I could and WOULD keep going this time. After some soul searching I knew I needed to bring my blog back from the dead. It is a great outlet for me to vent and celebrate the realities of weight loss. I was also reluctant because when you put yourself out there and tell people that you are working on your weight it causes people to focus on the part of yourself where you are most vulnerable. Some people will feel like this is an open invitation to criticize and comment on a very personal part of my life. It also reassures your greatest fears that some people have never really seen you as a person but a large number on a scale. I have had family members make comments about my physical appearance while I have been working on bettering myself and reminded me that my excess weight is all that they see and not the real me. I was also reluctant because I already had friends assuming that I was "losing weight the wrong way" and were already trying to convince me to change coarse and try a more drastic diet plan. While I understand that my family and friends mean well most of them don't understand the difficulty in trying to lose weight in the first place. Most people assume that all weight issues are a result in overeating and do not realize the vast number of reasons you may be struggling with weight gain in the first place. They also forget that you are a person, with feelings. People seem to think that when you are overweight that you openly invite constant personal criticism and that with every extra pound you are less sensitive to rude comments and that you deserve your societal mistreatment (Fat Shaming, anyone?).  When someone allows you into their weight loss journey they are inviting you into something that is very private and personal. There is nothing more deflating in a health journey then when people begin trying to tell you how to lose weight and assume that you have done no research in the process and that you've been sitting around for years just waiting for them to show you their miracle juice, diet, pill, workout etc...
You should view it as a privilege and take on the role of support and NOTHING more.  You are not being invited in order to come host weekly weigh ins at their house and thus discourage them all the more. ok... Sorry, got a little sidetracked there.

So what's next?
Well, this blog is what's next. I am Re-inviting you into my very personal health journey. I will try to post regularly on here and we will see how that goes. I will still be posting regular videos on my youtube channel which will be more focused on makeup and personal appearance. I will keep this blog more health focused and dedicated to my weightless journey.

What is your goal with this blog?
To inspire those who don't think they are capable of greatness. To show others how to love themselves at every juncture of their lives. To remind people that we are all works in progress and that we are NEVER really finished with improving ourselves.

So my last question is for you, the reader. Will you rejoin me on this rollercoaster and put your faith in my once again?

For those of you who never stopped believing in me... your support holds more value than you could ever fathom.

In the meantime.

Stay Sexy America.

Be true to you.

With Love,

- Drew